Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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