when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
