i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
