I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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