found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
