my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
