She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
