Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
