He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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