I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
