So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
