So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
