I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
