We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
