I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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