now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
