I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
