life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
