Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
