i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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