my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
