I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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