We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
