dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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