i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I color on your dick again?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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