I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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