barbara walters just said penis...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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