Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
