tell your sister to shave her snatch
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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