When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
