I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
