Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
