I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
