I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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