It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
