The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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