The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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