just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
