he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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