i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
