If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
