the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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