I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
