I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
