Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
