He kissed a someone with a penis
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
