Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
