You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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