I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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