dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
