Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
