I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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