ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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