Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
