I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
