the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize