this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
