We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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