We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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