You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
