Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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