I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These tits shall not be calmed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
