I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
