I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
