So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
