I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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