its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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