He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
