I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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